Bang on the Drum All Day
Previously on the Race, the cowboys went from worst to first, which was awesome, but the WFC succumbed to whiny decision changing and were elimiated. Kind of like the real Phillies. I guess it’s cowboys or nothing.
Welcome to Malaysia. Known for making me too lazy to look up anything up about it, this was the eighth pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld. Jet and Cord get the honor of gambling on pronunciation, and it’s Singapore. They really dodged a bullet on that one. When they get to their destination, teams are to find the host of…TAR Asia? Does he do the eyebrow pop? Because if he doesn’t, that show ain’t winning any Asian Emmys. READ MORE
I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
Welcome to France. Formerly a pit stop in a racearoundtheworld, this scenic country was the sixth pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld. Seriously? You spent two legs in freakin’ France? That’s lazy planning, if you ask me. Anyway, one by one, teams open their clue and admit that they have no idea where they’re headed next, but for once I’ll let them slide because there’s way too many islands in the world and Donald Trump probably owns or owned half of them at some point in his life. The flight to this destination is one big bunch, rendering the first 10 minutes of the episode useless, unless you want to hear “near the front of the plane” seven times, which nobody does.
I Need Something Stronger than Champagne
Previously on “The Amazing Race:” funny hats, polo but not with real horses, the assumption that everyone should speak English, and the elimination of five teams you’ll forget existed by the time this is over. Oh, and I didn’t write anything on my website for more than a year. Let’s see if this kick starts anything.
Welcome to the French countryside. Once a hotbed of WWII activity, it is now home to stereotypical weaklings who surrender if you breath on them the wrong way. This quaint, verdant land was the fifth pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld.
The cops, having arrived first, are the first to rip their clue and butcher the name of wherever it is they are traveling. Apparently, it’s to a town where French kings went to celebrate their coronations. Because I guess Notre Dame wasn’t fancy enough. Damn tourists. The teams are instructed to find the world’s lamest street musician for their next clue.
The Finish Line Is…Hogwarts?
Welcome to North Suburbia, New York. When you spend a decent portion of your episode in two of the highest-profile cities in the world but you put your finish line somewhere where little kids – probably with names like Buffy and Thurston – go to school, you didn’t plan your leg correctly. ‘Sall I’m sayin’. Anyway, it’s only a matter of time until Saint Joseph’s University buys this property and awkwardly names it after a rich alumnus. Until then, it will serve simply as the twelfth and final pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld. Previously, there was a rather enjoyable group of racers. But it got 30% less tolerable when the two most unique teams got knocked out within the first hour. But Peter had his ass handed to him both in the race and in his budding relationship. So there’s some hope for humanity, after all. There are no more eliminations, so the only question left is…who will win? Ignore the accompanying picture.
Frankly, LynLyn, I Don’t Give a Damn
Welcome to Barcelona, Spain. Home to the 1992 Olympics, Barcelona is a majestic city with rich culture, beautiful landscape, and virtually nothing to make fun of. It is also apparently the tomato throwing capital of the world, but we’ll get to that later. Barcelona was the four hundred and eighty seventh (believe me, it feels like it) pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, a bunch of bunches made up for Dustin and Kandice’s airport woes, allowing them to arrive seconds before LynLyn at the Yield. Their lack of directional fortitude got them in more trouble, though, as they arrived fourth at a Detour with only three stations and were forced to wait, landing them in last place. But the guillotine was not ready for them, as they were Marked for Elimination. Who will be the unfortunate team cast aside…next?