The more I think about it, the more I realize the likelihood that my recent absence from blogging is due in part to the negative feedback one can expect when writing for the Web. Of course, I speak not of the readers of Movie Hawk; with the exception of a few tiffs here and there, my nose is relatively clean, and my readers are overwhelmingly supportive. I think instead of the war between fanboy factions: Mac vs. Windows, Marvel vs. D.C., Studio 60 vs. …itself. Too often, especially on blogs, people go out of their way to write inappropriately negative propaganda against an opponent with little recourse. Yes, I understand that I’m not breaking new ground here, but I feel the need to point it out. If you don’t like blog posts about Apple products (certain Gizmodo readers), don’t read them. If Veronica Mars isn’t your cup of tea (some AICN folks), don’t waste your time trashing it in the talkback. Leave those spaces to those of us who want to use it to spread more information. Believe me, if you pull back for a second instead of throwing your negative hat into the ring, it’ll save us all a lot of money in future blood pressure medication.

On the night that you so aggressively market as one of the most important in your sport – the All-Star Game – I encourage you to choose a singer who can properly pay tribute to our nation. Tonight’s version of “The Star Spangled Banner,” sung by San Francisco native Chris Isaak, was a disgrace. It is shameful that a grown man does not know the words to his national anthem, and reprehensible that executives would put someone on the field unless they were certain he knew the words. Mr. Isaak’s version follows:

O say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous night (correct word: fight)
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the fight (correct: night) that our flag was still there;O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
For (correct: O’er) the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The last error is the most common, and the most egregious, but that does not excuse the other two. Yes, the notes are difficult – Roseanne Barr proved that much – but the words are not challenging. Mr. Isaak, please learn the words to the national anthem. Mr. Selig and the rest of MLB, please make sure this embarrassment does not happen again.

Yours,
Movie Hawk

All I need to complete this picture is to be wearing Abercrombie and surfing in the early-adopter Firefox 3.0 for a hybrid. If that ever happens, please kill me.

The kid doing his best Jeffrey Maier (right) impression was Brandon Hilgedick, a young Houston fan who wanted the meatball as a souvenir of his time at Minute Maid Park. And who could blame him? It was hit by baseball’s most scintillating swinger at the moment, and could become a piece of baseball history. Instead, it was incorrectly ruled a ground rule double because Hilgedick couldn’t wait for the ball to land in his lap and tried to catch it.

Brandon Hilgedick, you are on temporary notice. If Howard manages to break the home-run record, and if the Phillies manage to make the playoffs (your indiscretion wasn’t enough to stop the Phils from losing the game), you might find yourself back in my good graces. But tread carefully, young man. The On Notice Board is a slippery slope to infamy.

This is not a problem localized to that confusing corner. Everywhere you look, people are making turns without signaling. How hard can it be? Your car is built with more signal lights than ever, the act of signaling is as simple as reaching your hand from its rested position on the window’s ledge to the lever something like 7 inches away. You’re not supposed to be holding your cell phone in your hand, your coffee is nestled in a cup holder near the other hand…how difficult is it? A non-blinker is as annoying as the over-blinking grandma who turned on her signal three miles back for a lane change and hasn’t turned it off yet.

Motorists of the world, please use your turn signal. It’s there for a reason. Until you agree to make use of the shiny, attractive lights on the sides of your car, I’m afraid I’m forced to put you on notice.

Concert clappers, you are officially on notice. Reverse this trend – it’s already spreading into theatre – and you might save yourself from the board if I ever get a long enough list to warrant one.