On Notice: Facebook Fan Pages
It’s becoming an increasingly common occurrence: I’ll log into Facebook, scan my news feed, and see that a number of my friends have become fans of pages like “I bet the Phillies can get 1,000,000 fans before the Mets.” And I think to myself: if you become a fan of this page, are you really becoming a fan of the Phillies, or just of this stupid contest? After all, the Phils have their own official fan page, and the contest is just stealing potential fans from the actual organization. Wouldn’t it then be harder for the Phillies to get a million fans? Now, I understand the levity behind trying to get a pickle more fans than Nickelback, but the “more fans than X” meme has gotten out of hand. Meanwhile, some of my other friends are becoming fans of questionable marketing schemes that offer gift cards in exchange for spamming one’s friend list. Consider yourself on notice, Facebook. I don’t know what will take your place, but you’re going the way of MySpace with your obnoxious spam and fringe groups. Let’s try to get a little moderation going.
On Notice: The Internet
Note: I spent the last few days in Syracuse, N.Y., with only a little access to Internet. These are the posts that were meant to run on the days in the timestamps.
The more I think about it, the more I realize the likelihood that my recent absence from blogging is due in part to the negative feedback one can expect when writing for the Web. Of course, I speak not of the readers of Movie Hawk; with the exception of a few tiffs here and there, my nose is relatively clean, and my readers are overwhelmingly supportive. I think instead of the war between fanboy factions: Mac vs. Windows, Marvel vs. D.C., Studio 60 vs. …itself. Too often, especially on blogs, people go out of their way to write inappropriately negative propaganda against an opponent with little recourse. Yes, I understand that I’m not breaking new ground here, but I feel the need to point it out. If you don’t like blog posts about Apple products (certain Gizmodo readers), don’t read them. If Veronica Mars isn’t your cup of tea (some AICN folks), don’t waste your time trashing it in the talkback. Leave those spaces to those of us who want to use it to spread more information. Believe me, if you pull back for a second instead of throwing your negative hat into the ring, it’ll save us all a lot of money in future blood pressure medication.
On Notice: Park in the Walk
Listen, I know you’re important. Clearly, the fact that you arrive at work after all the good spots are gone in your oversized SUV signifies that you’re far more important than the rest of us. But that doesn’t give you the right to park on the sidewalk four days in a row. Drive around until you find a spot. Don’t inconvenience everyone – pedestrians, other drivers in the lot – by blocking half of the sidewalk. And don’t leave a message for security to not ticket you because there’s no available parking. If you’re so important that you can’t look harder for a spot, you’re important enough to pay the ticket when you can’t find one.
On Notice: Anthem Atrocities
Dear Major League Baseball,
On the night that you so aggressively market as one of the most important in your sport – the All-Star Game – I encourage you to choose a singer who can properly pay tribute to our nation. Tonight’s version of “The Star Spangled Banner,” sung by San Francisco native Chris Isaak, was a disgrace. It is shameful that a grown man does not know the words to his national anthem, and reprehensible that executives would put someone on the field unless they were certain he knew the words. Mr. Isaak’s version follows:
On Notice: Me
As I sat here at my desk…blogging…on my MacBook…listening to Rilo Kiley on my iPod…drinking a black and white hot chocolate from the new Starbucks location right next to my office, it came to me: I’m becoming everything I’ve always hated.
All I need to complete this picture is to be wearing Abercrombie and surfing in the early-adopter Firefox 3.0 for a hybrid. If that ever happens, please kill me.