It’s no secret that we here at Movie Hawk have a love/hate relationship with The Amazing Race, i.e., we love the show and love hating its contestants. Normally, we wait until the show actually airs to form opinions on the teams, but since it’s a boring day and I haven’t written in a while, I thought it’d be fun to introduce the cast now, before they depart….on a racearoundtheworld.
Team: Andie and Jenna
Relationship: Birth Mother and Biological Daughter
Team Nickname: I’m thinking….Team Warbucks? Little Orphan Annie?
From what I can gather, Andie gave Jenna up when she was born, and they just recently reconnected. As with all teams that use the Race as a platform to get to know each other, I’m sure this will be a wildly successful venture. For those of you whose browsers don’t support <sarcasm> tags, I predict that they’ll either be booted in the first three legs or go deep but annoy the hell out of each other and us.
Team: Brooke and Claire
Relationship: HSN Co-hosts, Friends
Team Nickname: Team But Wait, There’s More!
These two will do well if there’s plenty of “sell useless goods to uninterested locals” challenges. Brooke says that her pet peeve about Claire is that “she is really bossy and gets easily offended when I don’t listen to her advice.” If there weren’t so many infomercial jokes to make about them, we might be able to focus more on their inevitable meltdowns.
Team: Chad and Stephanie
Relationship: Dating
Team Nickname: Hell…I don’t care enough about these guys to come up with a nickname.
Attractive dating couple seeks adventure, minimal fame. Likes: airport drama, phony “alliances,” Yielding teams that did nothing to them. Dislikes: each other, probably.
Team: Connor and Jonanthon
Relationship: Friends, Princeton Classmates
Team Nickname: Sheldon and Leonard
Like the cowboys before them, I predict that these guys will have a blast running the Race together, and I hope they last as long. Connor’s goal is to “beat Phil Keoghan in a foot race.” If only all the contestants were this self aware.
Team: Gary and Mallory
Relationship: Father and Daugher
Team Nickname: Kentucky
She lists her occupation as “Miss Kentucky 2009,” which I’m not entirely sure qualifies as a job. I foresee a lot of cries of “Daddy!” Then again, she says if she could switch places with anyone it’d be Phil, so I have to give her some credit for taste.
Team: Jill and Thomas
Relationship: Dating
Team Nickname: Team Corporate Synergy
Jill’s life goal is to “have an Eat Pray Love experience in life,” convenient for someone on a show that airs on a network that once owned the studio that released the movie! CONSPIRACY? I THINK….probably not. I hope her dreams are flexible, because during the Race she’ll EAT unappetizing indigenous food, PRAY that her team doesn’t wind up with a lousy cab driver, and LOVE her boyfriend…until the first time he give her the wrong directions to West Dusseldorf.
Team: Katie and Rachel
Relationship: Friends, Beach Volleyball Partners
Team Nicknames: Fake Misty May and Fake Kerri Walsh
Cute blondes with athletic builds…I think I’ve found what team my uncle Ralph will be cheering for.
Team: Michael and Kevin
Relationship: Father and Son
Team Nickname: The Wu’s
I look forward to writing “Wu, Wu, Wu, Kevin Wu!” Michael lists reading as a favorite hobby, which is good, except, y’know, race. Hope all that sitting around has prepared him to run around the world.
P.S.: I know Kenny Wu kept his stick at his waist, but I’m still convinced that could have been called high sticking.
Team: Nat and Kat
Relationship: Friends, Doctors
Team Nickname: They don’t deserve one.
Good lord, they call themselves Nat and Kat. I need to find a friend whose name rhymes with Jeff. The best I can do is…another Jeff.
Team: Rick and Nicky
Relationship: Dating
Team Nickname: Team ‘At Least They Didn’t Rhyme Their Names’
They both cite communication as an issue. Clearly, they’ve never seen the Race, because after Johnathan and Victoria, any other communication issue seems easy.
Team: Ron and Tony
Relationship: Friends
Team Nickname: I like these guys too much to insult them.
Ron is a choreographer who has been in “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” on Broadway. Tony is working on his doctorate. They may be my favorite team of all time.
So there you have it…the eleven teams we’ll grow to know, choose a few to love, and begrudgingly smile at when someone we hate wins.