Welcome to Mauritius. Yeah, we never heard of it until this episode either. But get this, when the Portuguese discovered the island in the 17th Century, they came upon a new species of bird that they nicknamed the dodo. Teams should feel pretty at home here, then. But, anyway, Mauritius is, uh…French, and stuff. It’s really pretty boring, as far as I can see. That’s the problem when you go to paradise: there’s nothing to make fun of. At least until television stars start driving drunk around your island. Then it gets a little bit annoying. Mauritius, for all its inability to be funny to me, was the seventh pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld . Teams raced here from Kuwait City, where we learned last week…well, we didn’t learn much, per se. It was reconfirmed for us, though, that Peter was a gigantic toolbag, as he and Sarah were uncerimoniously Philiminated, and I mourned for not being able to fit in a The Fugitive joke their entire time on the race. Who will be eliminated…next?

First to leave Kuwait are David and Mary, who had first place handed to them on a silver platter last week. Think they can keep it up? Yeah, me either. Their lead is immediately erased when it is learned that there’s only one way to get to Mauritius: via London. And there’s only one flight. And it’s late enough that everyone catches up. So Karlyn and Tyler’s bickering over the order in which they book their tickets? Dustin and Kandice’s assumptions that the airport clerks are less motivated to give correct information than the Quick Stop clerks? All pointless. But extremely hilarious. Most excellent is the way that Karlyn asks Tyler how he’d feel if they had cut in front of him in line, and he answers “I’d be upset, but I’d have to swallow the pill.” I bet you would, buddy.

So, very quickly, we get to…Mauritius! I hope that’s the last time I have to spell that. Teams approach their rental cars and learn they have to track down the life sized copy of the model schooner sitting in their backseats. There’s a joke about models and backseats somewhere in there, but I’ve lived a very uninteresting life, and can’t think of it. Tyler and James quickly pull out of the parking lot, in “shoot (up) first, ask questions later” mode, putting them “Currently in 1st Place.” But they get lost, and the other teams take the time to ask where the schooner is located, putting Tyler and James “Currently in Last Place.” That was fast.

Teams arrive at the bay in which the boat is docked, swim in varying degrees of skill and/or hilarity, and get their next clue. WinWin returns to shore before the rest of the “backpack” and decides it’s best to wait it out, allowing Tyler and James to catch up and pass them. Does anyone sense this alliance thing isn’t working out so well? I like WinWin; they’re the only team so far who seem to be truly appreciating what the race has to offer, but they are as strategically adept as the White House press office. Dustin and Kandice are about as adept at driving as both these entities combined at “strategery,” though, and they crash their car en route to the clue. Whoops.

The clue is the Detour, a choice between Salt (combing through a huge pile of the stuff in search of a shaker with a clue) and Sea (boating out to a small island and searching it for boat sails, kind of like the lite version of piracy. Piracy? REALLY? I’d be there in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, most teams choose the needle/haystack Detour first. Dustin and Kandice are smart and brave enough to go off on their own and risk facing the ghost pirate LeChuck. For their stalwart resolve, they finish quicker than everyone else, as teams decide to switch Detours. Dustin and Kandice, you win motor scooters, or the cash value less the cost of repairing that car.

Last to abandon the Salt Detour for some good old fashioned piracy are David and Mary, who catch up to their friends in the six pack but get lost on the way to the pit stop. My mouth waters as they approach the mat. “David and Mary, you’re the last team to arrive…” heh heh heh “I’m…” here it comes “…pleased to tell you…” Are you serious? Saved by the nonPhilimination again? Can we get a judge in to rule this?

Next week, maybe David and Mary will finally meet the fate they’ve so shrewdly earned. Or maybe WinWin will let them go frontsies, backsies again, and we’ll lose another competitive team in the interest of protecting the damn six pack. If this alliance lasts much longer, I’ll need a six pack of my own. See you at the mat!

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