Welcome to Chennai, India. Formerly known as Madras, Chennai is the capital of the Indian state of Tamil Nadu. Pronunciation doesn’t really get any easier as we continue on from there, so let’s not even try. Chennai was the fifth pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, your humble recapper fell asleep on the job and didn’t post a recap. So let quickly go over what we learned, hm? During an ascending Roadblock, we learned that it’s best to have full functionality of your limbs, and you’d think after the Great Wall incident, Peter and Sarah would have figured that out. As a result of Sarah’s poor decision making, we got to learn more about how much of a jackass Peter is, and the team set the record for how quickly they went from being someone to root for to the token dysfunctional couple. Maybe that will be a portion of the next triathlon they try. We also learned, once again, that it’s important to read your clue, as Dustin and Kandice and Tom and Jerry wind up trying to do way too much, and it hurts Tom and Jerry more, as they wind up quite literally dragging themselves to Philimination. Shame, because they’re just the kind of likeable idiots that need to stay around longer. What pair of fools will be cut from the ch-ch-chain…next?

Leaving from the Vietnam pit stop first, Rob and Kimberly learn of their Indian destination and the strange twist in the travel plans: Vietnam regulations require you to book a ticket at a travel agent and not the airport itself. Suddenly, taking your shoes off in the security line seems less arduous. The train to Hanoi, where teams will do the ticket buying, is the great equalizer of the leg, immediately knocking out the advantage of where you finished twelve hours earlier. My problems with the bunching regulations are a whole other column, so let’s move on. On the train, Win Win decides it’s a good idea to use a fake phone to “reserve” “tickets” for their “flight” as a fakeout for the other “teams.” No, wait, scratch that last implied finger quote. While Win Win are busy congratulating themselves for their cunning deceit, Peter gets worried enough to get a real phone and book real tickets. Real smart, there, Win Win.

Teams arrive in Hanoi and start booking their tickets. Working together seems to be a strength here, as most teams figure out when the others are leaving and are able to secure tickets on similar flights. The Coalminer’s Wife (not to be confused with The Crane Wife) wind up screwing this particular pooch, landing in New Dehli but getting shut out of the connecting flight. You have to give them style points for at least being bold enough to risk it, but getting stuck in Dehli is no fun unless you’re fond of singing the Oscar Meyer theme…so yeah, no fun. It becomes blatantly obvious at this point in the episode that David and Mary are going to wind up in last place. But let’s continue the recap for fun.

Chennai! Indian people! Dots not feathers! That’s terribly racist! Horrible traffic that will become important later in the episode! Too many exclamation points! Let’s get out of this paragraph while there’s still time!

Once in Chennai, teams are asked to choose their Detour: Wild Things (wrestling crocodiles) or Wild Rice (using colored rice to recreate an artistic pattern). I like to call it Eat or Be Eaten. As pointed out in the comments of Throwing Things’ day-after recap, when in doubt, always go for the Detour that you think the editors want to see. It will invariably be quicker. Most teams learn this right away, but a few have to go through the painstaking annoyance of Wild Rice for a few minutes before switching Detours.

Peter and Sarah get out of the Detour first and find their way to the Roadblock, in which you…learn how to drive a car. Tanfastic. This won’t be boring at all. An extremely hammish gentleman “teaches” the Racers their “Driver’s Ed course” and sets them loose on the roads with an instructor. Team Tripod, boosted by Peter’s driving ability (and, I’d suggest, being apart from each other for a few minutes), finish first and each win a home gym. I don’t imagine they’ll be worrying about fitting it all into one house.

David and Mary, as I said, had no chance, and they arrive last and are…saved by the non-Philimination leg. This year’s penalty? You get to keep your money and possessions, but get “marked for elimination,” meaning that if they don’t win the next leg (it ain’t happening), they incur a 30-minute penalty. A good twist, but I’d suggest either stretching that out to be in effect for the remaining legs or having “marked” mean that if you don’t win the next leg, you’re out. Now that’s something worth fighting for.

Next week, we see the first Fast Forward of the Race. And your humble recapper will be back to a regular posting schedule, meaning next week’s recap will be more coherent. Until then, see you at the mat!

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