Welcome to Beijing, China. The capital of the People’s Republic, Beijing is also a destination city for business and culture. It is also part of the country that brought us the story that was adapted into Disney’s Mulan, which furthered the career of Donny Osmond, but we won’t hold that against them. On the edge of Beijing is the Great Wall of China, the only man-made object visible from space. Well, that and BJ and Tyler’s egos. At this section of the Great Wall was a rope climb, at the top of which was the first pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld; one that Phil promises us will be full of surprises.

Teams departed for here from Seattle, where the ability to navigate side roads proved particularly useful. While most teams got stuck on the highway because of a traffic jam, Team Differently Abled (for now) jumped off at an earlier exit and navigated their way to first place at the airport. Jostling for airport position is just about the most boring thing the Race does until something like the sixth leg when it really becomes important, so we’re gonna fast forward through all that.

Beijing. Erwin and Godwin note that it’s a lot like their native Korea, except with all the Korean lettering replaced by Chinese figures. Wow, how tolerant of you. Who knew that an ethnic team could so quickly adapt the “ugly American” label? Give them points for embracing the American culture. But it’s Chinese culture that counts here, as we encounter the first Roadblock, which involves eating fish eyes. The good news (you didn’t think that there would be good news eating fish eyes, did you?) is that it’s not a volume eating competition, just indulging in a local custom. Boston Rob couldn’t worm his way out of this one.

The inability to communicate with taxi drivers bumped some of the teams who left on that midnight train to Georgia…er…first plane to China to the middle of the pack, but everyone casually made it through the fish eye eating Roadblock and made their way to the next stop, where they’d be taking one of those familiar morning departure times.

Or are they that familiar? Bilal and Sa’eed are the last to arrive at the departure board after some poor taxi navigation, and they take the placard that says “Last Team.” All of a sudden, Phil shows up from nowhere and ushers them to a mat. Explaining that this is the first of a few new surprises in the Race, he mercilessly Philiminates our Muslim friends. Where’s your God now, Moses? So much for proving that not all Muslims are extremists; we hardly got to know these guys. Good luck to them. The world isn’t easy these days for followers of Islam, and it’s equally unfair to losers. Now that I think about it, it’s not a very good world for Cleveland Browns fans. Tough day for Bilal and Sa’eed.

Morning. Detour. Labor or Leisure. Is it any really choice? In one, you have to use traditional Chinese bricks (excuse me, what?) and methods to lay down a section of sidewalk; in the other, you go through some New Age relaxation technique, which you have to do perfectly in step with everyone else. But if anyone remembers the Danielles and the German step dancing, I think you know “perfect’ is a pretty relative term.

Surprisingly, only two teams choose Leisure: the cheerleaders and Tom and Jerry. I’m just floored on both counts. The rest laid the intricate pattern of red bricks, though not before figuring out that there’s a stack of gray border bricks to be put down first. Maybe that’s the traditionally Chinese part. Vipul and Arti get lost like nobody’s business on the way to the Detour, and they arrive too late to be in contention for the rest of the leg.

Speaking of legs, Sarah’s prosthetic is leaking hydraulic fluid and Peter can’t fix it. Some boyfriend. This makes it very hard to run, but they still manage third place behind Tyler and James and Duke and Lauren. For their first-place effort, the addicts-turned-models get $20,000. That’ll buy a lot of hair gel.

It’s really funny to watch some of these teams, especially Lyn and Karlyn (do you think one of them changed the spelling of their name once they became really good friends? I stay up at night wondering these things), but you know that, ultimately, the affable, well dressed Vipul and Arti are too far behind to catch up, and they arrive last and are the second team to be Philiminated in, like, 16 hours. Rough.

This week, some team gets thrown from their horses, other lose their horsepower along with the rest of their car, and five teams form an alliance. Because those always last. See you at the mat!

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