Welcome to Ulan Bator, Mongolia. Come on in, it’s safe. No, we promise there are no Huns here out to kill you. Mongolia is known for its unique architecture, fascinating indigenous animals, and words that are really hard to spell, even when anglicized. But enough about this country that we really really promise you won’t get killed in. In the heart of Ulan Bator is the Hotel Mongolia, which served as the second pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, teams raced from Seattle to Beijing, where they learned that slow and steady, at least in the first leg, got you nothing but trouble, as Bilal and Sa’eed were Philiminated quicker than a Cleveland Browns’ quarterback getting sacked and Vipul and Arti couldn’t overcome their total lack of directional fortitude and were more compassionately Philiminated. Who will get their heads chopped off (but not by Mongols! We swear!)…next?

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On its surface, The Black Dahlia looks like a can’t-miss film. Directed by Brian De Palma, whose fame has been cut from the cloths of Scarface and The Untouchables, sporting a cast of folks who look like they were lifted right out of 1940’s Hollywood (most notably Aaron Eckhardt and Scarlett Johansson ), and claming to focus on the “most notorious unsolved murder in California history,” the film should be one of the best-produced period mysteries of the year. Instead, what you get from watching the movie is a cautionary tale - not about the cut throat life in Hollywood but about not giving too much credence to movie trailers. Indeed, The Black Dahlia is far lesser than the film it is advertised to be and, whether you view it as an intentional but subtle skewering of the noir style or not, far lesser than the sum of its elsewhere wonderful parts.

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Do you remember when The West Wing used to be good? Back in those early seasons when Sam, Josh, Toby and CJ were the heavy hitters; the Josh/Donna relationship was still “will they/won’t they/just kiss already damn it;” and, most importantly, when Aaron Sorkin and Thomas Schlamme were still at the helm? They left around season four, and The West Wing turned into simply one of the better shows on television instead of the “you must watch this” behemoth it was when it first started. Sorkin and Schlamme made their return to the small screen on September 18th with Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and if the first two episodes are any indication, they’ve picked up right where they left off.

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The radio listener’s ear is fickle. What crawls out of the woodwork one day can just as quickly and unassumingly become passé. Too often, bands try unsuccessfully to reinvent themselves to fit the mold of what the 18- to 25-year-old demographic is listening to. It’s refreshing, then, when you get to listen to an album from a band like Sister Hazel, whose Absolutely, due out October 10, contains the same sound that you remember on the radio (in their case, “All For You” from the 1997 album …Somewhere More Familiar) and haven’t heard since.

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Those are lyrics from the opening song of last night’s set by The Raconteurs at the House of Blues in Atlantic City, but it could also easily explain the way my hearing is functioning right now. They rocked the house volume-wise, but was it worth $50 and a trip to the Showboat Casino (where I didn’t even approach a slot machine)? Put me down as a firm “Eh.”

The opening band, Philadelphia’s own Dr. Dog, started strong with their fun, trippy “Say Something,” but were only interesting for one more song after that. By the end of their set, the drunk, idiot frat boys from NYC who were standing near me were giving them an enthusiastic thumbs down. I didn’t want to associate myself with the drunkards, but I silently concurred.

Save for the fact that I was fifteen feet from Brendan Benson when The Raconteurs took the stage (anyone who knows me personally knows my affection for his music), their set was underwhelming. Aside from the opening “Intimate Secretary,” “Level,” and a great version of “Together,” the songs weren’t of the level you hear on the album. White did a great job of blending in with the band despite the fact that 90% of the crowd was there because they knew his music (I was there, of course, for Benson), but his shrieky vocals made it impossible to understand the music unless you had committed it to memory. He and Benson traded some spectacular guitar solos, but they were the only memorable things about the majority of the set.

While the experience of the concert and the adventure of getting there made the trip worthwhile, the music I experienced while there was not quite worth the price of admission. Go listen to The Raconteurs’ studio album, save yourself $40, and enjoy.

Welcome to Beijing, China. The capital of the People’s Republic, Beijing is also a destination city for business and culture. It is also part of the country that brought us the story that was adapted into Disney’s Mulan, which furthered the career of Donny Osmond, but we won’t hold that against them. On the edge of Beijing is the Great Wall of China, the only man-made object visible from space. Well, that and BJ and Tyler’s egos. At this section of the Great Wall was a rope climb, at the top of which was the first pit stop…in a racearoundtheworld; one that Phil promises us will be full of surprises.

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Welcome to Seattle, Washington. Known for rain, Starbucks, …um…the Space Needle…did I say rain yet? Anyway, this sprawling metropolis in the Upper Northwestern United States is a nice place to be; that is, if you have to be in the Upper Northwestern United States. It’s certainly a lot cooler than Oregon. But what do I know? I’ve been off the East Coast all of five times in my life. Seattle, which may or may not be a great city, was the starting line…in a racearoundtheworld. Twelve teams of two people each started here in a mad dash around the globe for one million dollars. But before we start the Amazing Recaps and talking about unfortunate Philiminations, let’s meet the teams.

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We’re always devastated when our idols fall from the pillars we set them upon by revealing their true identities. Whether it be a steroid investigation for a favorite ballplayer, a sex scandal for a mentor otherwise thought chaste, or financial ruin on the heels of a terrible set of decisions, we never expect to see our heroes knocked down to the level of the common man, perhaps even below that. When actor George Reeves, made famous as the Man of Steel in television’s The Adventures of Superman, died in 1959, it shook a fan base who thought him invincible. First-time director Allen Coulter’s Hollywoodland examines the last eight years of Reeves’ life and what lead to his mysterious death. And while the film doesn’t offer any answers as to what really happened to Reeves - it was ruled a suicide - it provides a fascinating view on how people pursue fame and fortune, and how disappointing it can be when it’s not all you cracked it up to be.

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Things to do today, on International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

• Watch Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Alternately, for equally fun swashbuckling action, watch The Princess Bride.
• Listen to “The Mariner’s Revenge Song” by The Decemberists. Do not listen to “Come Sail Away” by Styx.
• Tell bad pirate jokes. Example: Why couldn’t the young pirate get into the movie theater? Because all the movies were rated ARRRR.
• Play “The Secret of Monkey Island,” or help me make the movie.
• Watch Hook. Do not confuse it with Dustin Hoffman’s other cross-dressing movie, Tootsie.
• Talk like a pirate, of course. Matey.

Other suggestions (like watching Peter Pan or Finding Neverland) are welcome via comments.

Perhaps the most pleasing illusion in The Illusionist is the way that Edward Norton so convincingly portrays a nineteenth-century Viennese magician. This, after all, is the same guy who played the jerk friend of Mike McD in Rounders, the determined FBI agent tracking down a sicko killer in Red Dragon, and the goofy titular rhino in Death to Smoochy. Norton has long been known as a cerebral actor - a chameleon who can look fresh in any role, but it’s still somehow amazing that he’s able to pull it off every time. The accolades for The Illusionist shouldn’t stop at Norton, though. With a strong cast, a sensitive eye for style, and a plot with enjoyable twists and turns, the film is a delightful period romance wrapped up in supernatural curiosities that will satisfy the modern eye.

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